My Cert "ROSAK".. cry~~

i got my abrsm 8th grade cert yesterday. U think its happy thingy huh~ Really happy that i saw myself pass for it.. ^^..

My parents went for holiday, abd left me alone in this dimension house.. why?? "oi~ Take care your both sister brother har.. (lily a mini pinch and oscar a shizu)WTF and flower and plants at house... !!! anyway that heavy loading assignmenting fucking task made me no-mood-for holiday too..

they both went holiday for one week. Where am I supposed to go then??.. My aunt's house lar.. and yesterday, I reached home around 11.00pm.. First thing is to look into my mailbox.> Yeeeeessh.. all wet (because of rainy day), and all are my mom's credit card's letter.. Mumbling myself.. "where is my cert har, supposed to get it in these few days, really no tension waiting for it.. "

then i ignore..

when i got my mop to mopin' floor.. I was.. " yee.. why the gate there got one chocolate envelop one..." OH SHIT!!!! MY PIANO CERT!! RAIN!! WET!! DIE...

Yes, that stupid postman din put it into my mailbox, he jus put and BEND my cert at the gate.. fuckin stupid postman.. It wet.. no eyes see..

both my cert and result paper kena water, and the colour has changed from white to chocolate (the envelop colour)... and it looks like salten vege after i dried it with my hair dryer.. Really fuckin stupid to see all my grades cert so nice-kept, and sudeni one vege salten paper cert samo.. GRADE 8...

really die..

have to liminate it to make it more nicer TO SEE..

have to depend on that salten vege part brown and white colour(mix) CERT to look for a job.. Yer!!!!!~~~~~~ am i still suposed to be happy with my grade 8 huh??

no picture yet for it.. why? My mom took my camera for vacation lar...

Unknown feelings

I dreamt my grandma last night. She was lying on that lazy chair, laughing, talking, smiling with us. I was so happy to see her, again. She seldom appeared into my dream. Me and my cousin sister were talking to her, again. Yes, she died two years ago. I miss her so much, and we really do miss her too. How's her life? Fine? Suffer? OK? Well? Anyway, I still got no chance to ask her.. "Did you get my 3G handphone that I burn it for you during Ching-Ming? New model one?" I bet she doesn't know how to use it, it is too high tech..

Yup, wonder why was she lying on that chair, it was so real. She alive again? OMG. Can't believe it, it is so natural, the same house, same situation, drinking tea and sleeping, yawning. She died right?? Two years ago? What I felt was so real. And everytime she comes to my dream and what I think was just.."She alived again, maybe we rescue her during in the hospital or in the coffin." Unbelievable. Everything just real. I hope it is real too. May be we just can spend our time in my dream.

Every dream of her, I just having a very strong feelings that she comes back to us. That feeling is just too real, untill you believe that you are living in another new world, which belongs to you, own. Another new world which only happen in your dream. When you awake, you will cry and suffer for it. Maybe you will dream that Rain has become your boyfriend, it maybe will be so real, or blur... When you awake and realise it was just a dream. You got a realy harsh feel then...
Maybe you will dream that you bit Jay Chow in a Piano battle field. And you awake, it will just a dream.

Anyway? Will it become true? Maybe one day you gonna bit Jay Chow? May be one day Rain will become your boy? Maybe the girl that you dream to be with, and you guys will live happily forever? You definitely will hope it to become true? Is it same to if you dreamt "nightmares"? You will definitely hope never dreamt it before.

I got huge feelings in my every dream, may be it has an implication, knowing the furture, my fortune? I really got a strong feelings on my grandma, used to be with her telling jokes when she is still here, that the feelings on her is so strong untill you can't give it to others nor give only half? part of it.

I got a dream on a guy that I love for years. Everytimes he appeared in my dream, and I think may be it is not over, but when I awake, every thing will become to current situation. Why time can't stop? For years? huge feelings is still there, and now still remain. And I still believe, someday, he with me.. And this believe is so strong, till you going into another world .again. And yes, this world that belongs to the guy you love and you.

I live in my own world, since the guy left without a goodbye, he won't come back again. I know it won't be any miracle happen between us. I just hope to live in a different world, that belongs to "unbelievable" things, and I still believe it may true. ... .. "For years, I cried, I drunk, trying not to think of you, I sacrifice everything just to (dream to) be with you. I know this is a strong feelings on you, but I understand this is a wrong feelings on you too. I don't let you know in real, I want it in my fake world. Then it will be precious "

Desribe the guy that I dream? .. He is my inspiration in my life, just because of "gone". I know I have to be strong, that weakness can't kill me. Every success in my life, scoring beautiful results in my every piece of exam, complete my stages of music life, stepping on my stage, perform my life with full of confidence. And I still blur with all these. Why? ... "Just because of you, I work so hard, till mad. You are a great guy that I ever seen in my life, no one can compare to you, and I miss you. You have the passion that others don't have, you have your dream, and that influence me too. You are really amazing, the feelings started, just because of that."

I got huge, big thinking in my life, huge dream. What dream? Do you believe I do everything just to be with him. HUh.. I failed. I still minggling in "he and me" dream. I do believe, that feelings is in my heart, no one can share a part from it. For years (again), I know it is wrong, but it is right in my dream, come to my dream, and tell me it is real, this is the right path I want.... "All I think is only you, I'm pushing myself into this unbelievable world. This world will last forever no end. It is a paradise for my sacrification of my every success. Letting this world keeping my sacrifice and my secrets, and my feelings on every tears I give you in my every night. "

Sad? Yup, I really sad, I just don't wanna close my eyes, I am sad to see you, scared to hear from you, because you are too attracting, deep into my feelings. Feelings, when people tell you if you get hurt, just let the time heal it. huh? I really don't think it will. He hurts me everytime, but the feelings is still there, I know it will last forever. Untill I ask .."What if I decided not to marry any other guy except him? or not getting married forever har? " With that feelings, I have to be lonely in my entire life. I have planned, prepared for it...

I will try very hard to not letting anyone step into my world. I just wish to live like that forever, I have learnt many things in my life which without him. I will try everything to save the feelings on him, because I'm lie-ing to myself. I won't let anyone steal it, no one can come into my world, that belongs to him and mine. I will stop every single thoughts on others just because of him. Worth it? I know it is worth, it is a sacrficial. I will wait for it to come.... forever..... I believe that will be no waste of tears that I cried in every night.

I have to learn from mistakes. I learnt mistakes, I know it is a mistake, trying to do correction on it.. but it still appear "error"....

I know this is "wrong feelings" , I understand it... But I don't Realize...

still wait for it... don't know it will be how many 10 years....

About my little secret

Sorry of lack of updating, and no replying for comments. I really busy on my assignmenting. Next week still more 3000 words to go, frustrating now.

But after watching "my little black book", the story really grabs my attention. It really illustrated my life, erm.. can say.. Our life..~

Sometimes you plan what ever thing in your life, and u reach your goal in future. U have planned step by step, in what stages of ages, what you gonna do.. After SPM..> College.. >Work.. bla bla.. married..

However, when you to deep into this planning thing, actually will be a failure in our life. Can't it be more nature? Let it comes.. don't plan.. And what you plan to do, actually not satisfy u at all. Let it come in sudden and be a suprise in our life is better. When you planned, there might be some obstacle to face...

another thing is your boy's secret. Do you ever ask your boy about their ex? And when you research on it, the boy that you own, may be is not belong to you at all. Aha.. you have planned so well, .."get a rich, nice, great guy.." .. He may be loves you, but he is perhaps actually not yours. This will be, you got your boy, after a research , you found out that actually he is still loving his ex.

ANd yes.. game over, will you leave, remain??? This may be his secret, but after you found out, actually you are tearing each other face... Over..

And after you realise that actually what you have planned to do has over, why don't you just start it again. And you will find that actually, you will be more happier rather than sticking to a guy.. No more relationship, also can be a better life too...

Just like me.. Cut my hair.. and start a new day..

I am not stop blog GING...

really meaningless day to-day. Spent for entire whole day attending for boring classesFirst of all, sleeping, secondly, popeking. Till now, i'm still clueless for my ALL assignments. Niaseng, the most make-ing-us-frustrate, of course the class..politicking. Especially the OCPD.. really dono y yeefong got this name from. Anyway, maybe it is referring to..> SHIT~

First of all, if you notice or aware that your friend or friends (used to), started to ignore you and paranoid. Would you still pretend nothing happened and keep on laughing all the day? Yeah, there wil be such kind of human being now in the world. Like.. I no friend you anymore by dowan to go together with you and that shit will like, I AM STILL YOUR BEST FRIEND.. =P

Are you can be more sensitive of that? Yes, we are more to low-text culture and not straight forward, you can'y see my face expression mia kah? Be more sensitive lar.. Bodoh~~ I got face let you see one.. "I DOWAN FREN WITH YOU.. BLAH..SHIT~~"..

nExt thing today, I know we no need to sit for the exam for CRM. And that kind of group thing is really stupid. Research? We can do individually lar, and then at house we got computer, we can research ourself, no need to divide groups, and each group got their own chance to start to talk and gossip.

Ok lar.. it is really common in Malaysia's school I think. If you and your gang decided to form a group to have a like.. "Study Group", would you really think all of them will only STUDY?? I think erm.. Gossip group or shopping, movie fashion group is more suitable instead of "study group". Yup, we had divided each of us and started to like... Very tension on our research career... Waha.. I don't think this will gona work lor...

Another thing... Ok lar... I sorry that I never update my blog long time. I promising you guys that I will spend some time on the tAg meme... kekekeke...

gotta rush to the bus...
no time. bye...~

What is misunderstanding huh?

I know (again), I have been long decade no-update-blog. Yeah, I'm quite busy and moody towards blogging since my college life started again. Erm.. let me count ya.. I got 3 assignments.. ABE have one individual and one collective, Career Management divided into 4 parts but without any exams, TKM have one assignment, still don't know it is all group or individual together, and the question is still somewhere else not reaching into our hand.


Have to read 2 quite thick books, one is all about 1900s chinese story, and another one is for career management. And I am now, while studying for my tomorrow's TKM quiz, I'm not gonna ruin that quiz up, no choice.. Just study lar.. =.=""


And I really am sure that my visitors dropping and dropping accelerately.. And I am super appreciate you guys lefting me some "middle-spring" festival wishes in my chat-box, THANK YOU THE YOU VERY THE MUCH.. LOVE YOU ALL.. MUAK~~I really thouched by those wishes, and I apologize not viewing and lefting such messages in you guys' blog.. I am thank you..muak again.. *ppfftt..


Today have 2 classes, and I finished my last class and left around 4.30 pm. As usual, last time, I gonna hop to yeefong's car, and let her dropping me in LRT station, and DongXia will be at her house.. These days she less-drives car now, she will hop into her boy-boy car and let her boy-boy drives her home .. *so sweet. As usual too, I will ask "afterward you got pass-by LRT station not?" If yes, "can you drop me in that junction?" If no, "sad..."

However, she already drives us for so long time, since the day she drives to college. It is not so good everytime ask her to drive me to that junction, and everytime we gonna go for lunch. I think she is now quite relax, that her boy-boy able to carry her.. Anyway, thank you for driving us here and there... =P

But, I really don't wanna suffer taking that bus and squizing with students.. And that vibration of that lauyar bus, and If I miss the bus, have to wait for another half an hour. I just wish there will always be kind people that keen enough to drop me in that junction sometimes. If not, my father will suddenly phone me during I standing like a sandwich inside LRT, and I gonna gorek my bag to search for my phone to answer, and my father will always..

"OI! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER PHONE ONE MEH, EVERYTIME CALL YOU ALSO LIKE THAT, NEXT TIME I DON'T FETCH YOU LIAO." or "WHY SO LATE ONE? I THOUGHT YOUR CLASS FINISH 4.30, SO LATE ONE MEH?? STILL GOT HOW (MANY) MINUTES"

aHA.. you thought I am purposely not answer your phone is it?You never think that I am standing so suffer like hell, and all passengers wanna hurry back to buka puasa, and I am carrying so much stuffs and my bottle, how I gonna gorek my phone? Gorek oso need time one lar..

You think I purposely late is it? If I miss the bus, I have to wait another half an hour you know? You think that bus and LRT i drive one ah? you know usually my kind friend drop me at LRT station one if I miss the bus one you know? You see, my friend oso can drop me by that station, why can't you wait? Then you come to my school and get me lar..

Today...

Yeefong doesn't drive, and she doesn't pass by the Station. *sob sob.. So sad..

Therefore, to avoid rushing for bus and squizing in that bus, and I think if I tumpang friend's car gonna be faster reaching the station. =) I busying looking for friends who can able to drop me.. keke

Waha... I found one. A guy friend able to drop me at station.

And he waited outside the guard's gate door, cause I gonna go to the loo. After around 3 minutes. I rushed there to avoid let-people-wait-so-long, no good lar..

then He came out.. "Actually, I not wanted to drop you.."

I was.. WHAT??"" and I asked, "Are you serious? Why?"

He goes, "I don't want other people misunderstood about it" (ok, even idiot knows what does it means)

I continued, "What? Last time you told me that what other people think, is their choice. Are you really serious that you not gonna pick me up? (cause I think I still can run to the bus)"

He continued, "No lar, I can drop you one..."

I saw some of his friends lepaking at the road side and sucking those killing cigarattes. Norwonder, he said, this will lead to a misunderstanding, he doesn't want to let his friend to see he was taking me to that junction LRT station.

I am quite not happy with that, and I keep muttering myself, No next time, not gonna ask him anymore. And really angry with that...

After I opened the door, the door automatically opened widely, and hit-a-bit the flower pot next to it. And I still quite sad of "actually, I not wanted to drop you", and I did not notice of that door.

He goes, "you yourself drop out nevermind, don't let my door drops out.." (I quite not sure it is a joke?) But what inside my mind was still "Actually, I not wanted to drop you, I scared people misunderstood it".

At this point, I am not forcing you with gun at your head and "You drive me and stop at that junction, if not, I'll shoot." Why can't you just tell me, you are not willing to drive me to that junction? Or, if you are not straightforward, just find another kind of excuse like ''you not gonna pass-by LRT station"... very hard meh..

After promising, "I can drop you there", and finally say, "I actually think not gonna drop you".. And giving such stupid reason. And I was continuesly asking, "Are you sure you not gonna get me??" and he somemore went like... "Can ler, ok ler.." that kind of unsure. I was like so stupid to sit on a person's car that actually that person not willing to drop me in LRT station. And kind of feel so sorry to that person, like I owe him, once. Next time, I got car, have to pay-back by driving him to the place that he wanted.

What should I say? ..

I am so sorry on your inconvenience, to let you purposely drop me in that junction. Ok, and I admit that I am too emo and ego, small-gas kind of human being, take everything into serious. Let you have to wait for 3 minutes in that guard house, because I gonna spend that 3 minutes in that toilet. Sorry that let you feel malu infront of your friends, and cause misunderstanding to others. I am so sorry that hit your car door to that flower pot, if need any compensation? I will take fully responsibility.

And I am so sorry to put those un-collected notes in your car. I will take those remain notes by myself. And I know that you are kind of unwilling to do such things. Because I just plain stupid that thought everyone is kind enough to help each other by no harm done. I will take my own responsible..

And mostly, to avoid such misunderstanding, I will not talk to you, either, sms-ing, e-mailing, Msn-ing. Just cut all the connections to avoid misunderstanding...

Misunderstanding? Any guys reading my blog now? Just beware, cause reading my blog also will cause misunderstanding? Leaving messages in my chat-box? comment box? I think according to what my friend told me, this kind of behaviour also will cause misunderstandings, don't let your girlfriends know is better..

Anyhow, when I gonna talk (only talk) to a guy, either he is taken or still available, also kind of misunderstanding, so better don't talk to any guys, and guys don't talk to girls, if not? Misunderstanding.. *again..

So, to avoid let-people misunderstanding...better don't talk to each other ...

Can't people be more civilised? It sounds so stupid in this case...

Today I very Happy leh...

Wahahahahahahaha!!!~~ Muahahahahahahaha~~~

I today very the many the super the extra happy leh..

Not as what you think ler.. I am not lucky enough to kena a jackpot or lottery something...

I have passed my GRADE 8 !!!!!!!!

wahahahahahahahaha~~ muahahahahahaha

wahahahahahahahaha~~ muahahahahahaha

Free liao ... kekeke.. super happy...

Now I got my Grade 5 theory and Grade 8 practical piano. Planning to teach.. kekeke ~~ after graduate degree, planning to take Dip In Teaching then.. but still wondering what school wanna take leh...

Who ?? Siapa?? Bin-go want to learn piano one??? Come Come I teach you.. I teach you until you can play with your leg mia... (kidding lar)

wahahahahahahaha~~

I am happy that I am available in the market now, but, still afraid to face it. I heard there are many music schools now, refer to Diploma level if you wanted to be a teacher. They are not require only Grade 8... Anymore.... *sigh... *cham...