freakin exam coming!!!!

Its been a week long and another week long. Now, I really started to freakin' out of my life, my heart beat goes more faster and my body's nerve. I know that I did not perform well on saturday's morning, my scale was worse, all my pieces played without any expression and feeling. Yes, and I totally feel I'm not feeling that I was playing it. At least, I still got the right tempo in my sight reading but wrong notes. I still able to answer 100% correct in my test C aural test (I really feel proud of ONLY it).

Spookygal totally feel IN STRESS. All of my daily's symptoms have showed, easy get mad and my fingers not as flexible as well, feel dizzy when hearing myself playing, pay not enough attention, my feet can't control over the pedal. How can I play in a stressin' envi. AAARRRGGGG!!!!!!!

Now, I have to imagine in that hotel room (still wondering what the number will be) and the exam environment will definitely kill you. Holding my grade 8 pieces, and humbling that sounds, studying what will gonna ask during test D aural, and hope the aural part will finished very fast. Waiting outside the room and hearing other candidates playing their choices of songs. Hearing them "la-ing" a clapping for pulse and rhythm. Hearing examiners play super fantastic songs then bombard some fantastic questions for you to answer.

The whole corrider only have one colour light : '' orange" with green colour carpet. How hard you step on those carpet, will not "produce" any sounds. If the examiner in bad mood, when he heard someone too noisy out there, he will come out and shout for a "shut-up".If he in bad mood, you will deserve low marks tooooo... I really have to bring myself to the exam environment everynight in my dream. It will be terrifying for that day, it will maybe a night mare too.

Got shock when the reserve tell you: " you are next".. OMG! then, started to pray anything you like, JESUS,ALLAH, ST.MARIA,GUAN YIN MA....blablabla... Go into it, "Good morning Sir". A very strong english accent will be heard as a reply, and exam time 40 minuets will be started, just like that.. fingers, legs will shake, triggle.... Although no aircond, but still damn cold. Hairs on my arms will definitely "shocked-up".

Started to play on another brand and type of piano that not familiar with. Many years of experience tell me, my house's kawai is different than the exam's yamaha. That model during examination's keyboard is much more lower than mine, those black white keys are more harder, the pedal has much much more different tooo, the seat is a little smaller than mine. These lower keyboard and smaller seat is to fit those kids who are taking the exams. Therefore, I should prepare myself when everytime I practise in home, I have to get cushions on my sit to feel that keyboard will be lower. (it worked). But those hard hard key definitely will kill me during my running notes.

I know there is one person is special worry about my piano exam, that's spookypapa. It was a nightmare that I failed before in my 7th grade. In this exam, I still wonder " I can pass or not?", But I only can promise I will do my best. The time that I failed 7th because I was in stress, because I saw papa always pay a lot lot of money for my piano tuition fees and my exam fees. I was totally stressed because I don't want to disappoint papa, that he paid lot lot of money on me.

I failed 7th, then he told me not to worry about the money and the fees. After that, I felt that I'm proud of using his money, and "try another time lor"...But I know he still very "dam-sam", every free time he will ask me what I will do after I completed 8th, But I only got one answer, " I OSO DONO I WILL PASS OR NOT!".

In his voice, I can feel that he is telling me to stop after completed 8th and go for some teaching, because I told him, getting Diplomas is much much more expensive than a degree that I'm pursuing now and if take other than teaching courses, maybe have to go oversea for some time (cost a lot). Or you want me to get a scholarship? I must have at least distinction in my practical and prepare an audition thingy to get a scholarship. I only can tell him I'll get diploma later, not now! (finance problems)

Whatever lar... I can if I think I can, but I don't know that I really can? I can....kekeke..

Having exam is all under my expectation since 1st grade, and I know I will have the day like this. I will definitely afraid, scared, and feel nervous for this exam, and the most fearest thing is my piano exam. Eventhough MCH presentation I oso not scared, But I scared my piano exam...haiz... this is one thing, another thing is......here is my exam date and venue...

Grand blue wave, shah alam.

2nd August 2007, 10:37 am...

can you see it??????? shit! ! on 2nd august!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrrggghhhh,
please don't wish me happy birthday instead of "good luck"

good lucks to you spookygrace!!!!!